it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
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