Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
Randomize
