she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
