I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize
