I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
