This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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