i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
