and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
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