I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
