a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
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