After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
Randomize
