omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
Randomize
