i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
Randomize
