I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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