my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
Randomize
