Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
Randomize
