He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
We're hate flirting, damnit.
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
