i guess it's bad bediquette to quote the kool aid man
?
he said oh yeah and i responded with OHH YEAHHHHH!
Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
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