I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
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