I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
Randomize
