I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
Randomize
