you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
Randomize