If i come over, it means nothing
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize
