my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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