Ok let me ask a question, does aderall make women less apt to have sex?
Cause it just destroys penises
Was that inappropriate? I can't gauge these things anymore
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
Randomize
