Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
my god I love twenty year old dicks
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
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