Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
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