yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
Randomize