Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
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