I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
