we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Randomize
