She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
I showed him my bush... on skype.
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
Randomize
