I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
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