My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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