Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
