In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
