is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
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