sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Randomize
