it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
There are leaves in my underwear?
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
