Since when is my name a synonym for head?
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
Randomize
