I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
whose ass print is on the piano?
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Randomize