Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
Randomize
