So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize
