I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
Randomize
