my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
You took a bar mat shot.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
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