I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
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