Don't make out with my wife yet
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
Randomize
