what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
