I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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