I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
