I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
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