Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
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