I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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