I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
Randomize
