even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
Randomize