I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
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