If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
Randomize
