The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
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