This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
Haha oh wow he'd be perfect. He's got everything MTV looks for in a real world cast member. Gay. Tool. From Methuen
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
I checked into jail on foursquare
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
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