I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
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