Porn is love you can see.
I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
Your cock deserves a montage
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
Randomize
