I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
