She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
