Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
Randomize
