this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
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