Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
Randomize
