He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
I cut my penus on the lid.
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
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