"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
Randomize