just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
Randomize
