plz talk dirty to me
remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
Randomize
