dude i'm inner monologue high
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
I have tasted many bathrooms
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
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