i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
