remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
Randomize
