why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
