is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
Randomize
