also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Randomize
